free at last

[Suzanne]

I got all kinds of family drama! LOL I am caring for my sick and elderly father who lives in NYC and I am in Quebec. My loser alcoholic drug addict sister is writing me hate emails after not speaking to me for 10 years. I have no contact with my drug addict mother. I am trying to be a wife and mother and daughter, all at once and in two different countries. But, I always take care of myself first. When I am in a good place, I am a better mother, wife and daughter. Sometimes I have to tell people "no, not right now."

[sandy]

My SIL is a he and its my son in law. The one married to the daughter that I just had move out. I am really hurting right now. More than I can put into words. I just blew up because I felt like I was being used. Suzanne, sometimes I don't know if I am the bad mother that people on message boards talk about(like with your mom), or if I am the one being shit on. Everyone sees things through their own eyes, KWIM? I am not a drug addict but I am a carb addict. Maybe that is just as bad.

I care for my mom but luckily she lives only a few minutes away, so the things I have to do for her are not a hassle(too much) I owe her anyhow so she is not a burden

oh well, its done. can't go back now. At least my boys are still around. I could use some prayers for peace if you pray.

[Suzanne]

Go find a therapist.You need an unbiased point of view on this situation.

[sandy]

A therapist would probably be a good idea. My limited experience with them did not impress me too much. I went after my son was born and my sister died of a brain tumor 4 days later. I probably did not go long enough to get any good out of it.

anyhow- feeling down today but not losing it. My niece called me shortly after I posted and I felt better after I talked to her.

goals yesterday
1. need to improve
2. done, done, 1/2 done
3. no- he got pretty testy with me when we had to clean up and take down the tent
4. ok
5. crap- in the midst of my drama I forgot about these things

today
not planning much as I have to take my son to a class, may have to take mom to the doc, have to pick up sil, take him to his 2nd job, and sam has doc and hockey. will clean up my procrastination items. whatever else I do is a bonus. I had to get up at 515 to take sil to work and woke up at 430. I think I am afraid I will oversleep so I wake up too early. I wish I was better at falling back asleep. Its als double coupon day today so I may go legally steal from the grocery store. Also have to pack food for trip to 6 Flaggs tomorrow. I hate that place and I am not emotionally up to it. My DD works there.

[KathyAnne]

Hi Sandy,
Why do you have to go to Six Flags if you don't want to? I've been promising my son (7yo) a trip to Six Flags all summer. I haven't been able to deliver yet, but would love to. We have one about 2 hours away.
How is ZC going for you today?
How's everything else going?

[sandy]

Hi Kathyanne
I had made plans with my friend. We take our kids every year. Her DD does not like to do much, so that leaves my son to go on rides by himself. I don't do the rides so just spend my time waiting while others are on them. Pretty boring. My son and my friend's DD were each supposed to bring a friend, but Tues night, the DD's friend had to cancel and Wed night, my son's friend was grounded so that was the end of that! Then it rained and got kind of cold. I know next year I will say no if my friend asks. My kids are really old enough to go by themselves.

I have not been ZC. Friday I was depressed and anxious. Yesterday started out ok but quickly took a turn for the worse when I found out something else my DD had pulled. My SIL was really upset. He said he has decided to go back home to South Africa. I feel awful for him. He is so brokenhearted and beat down. I feel awful for me. I don't know if or when I will have a relationship with my DD again. They put so much work and money into having him be able to stay in the US and now it is all getting thrown away. sad

But, I am hoping for a bearable day today. Had some sausage and 2 eggs. Going to go to church with my son and maybe on a shpping trip. He has hockey later.

Goals for today. I am going to take it easy on myself. I feel too close to letting this situation get the better of me. So, I am going to eat zero carb and whatever else I get done will be a bonus

[KathyAnne]

Thanks for the update. Sending good vibes your way. I'm sorry things aren't going well with your daughter. Yes, I think if you focus on ZC, alot of other things - not everything, but alot of things - will work themselves out. This may sound simplistic, but I'm thinking ZC begets confidence begets assertiveness begets... who knows what could happen?! I think you are on the right track here!
I hope things begin to get better soon.

[sandy]

yesterday. went to church. its been a long time. I saw an old friend. it was so nice to see her.

went shopping. that was nice. I like to get a bargain

did good on the food until 830. then, not so good.

day 1 again today(sigh). I am having a hard time coming out of my funk. just a low level depression mixed in with anxiety that something bad is going to happen. not motivated at all

going to go pick up my son soon. hoping to snap out of it

so far I had sausage and 2 eggs at around 8

[KathyAnne]

From one struggler to another -- I feel kind of hypocritical offering advice about how to stay on plan when I've not had much success recently. But, I have had some success in the past, and here goes anyway:
My cravings typically go away after 3 days Zero Carb, so, one thing that's worked for me in the past is to set a goal - make a commitment - to three days. You can do three days, can't you? The hope is that on the fourth day the cravings will be gone and you will want to continue.
I am a very short-term-goal-oriented person. It is helping me to set these types of goals with ZC. Don't know if this helps you or not, but I thought I'd share it and see what you think.

[Charles]

Sandy, you haven't updated this journal since July of 2009. I need you to update this journal or your membership may be in jeopardy in accordance with our new membership guidelines. You have become a professional lurker and that is not allowed any longer.